Fishing...

Fishing rips out the stitches of my life plans
It frays the edges of my heartstrings
This life connected to the ebb and flow of the sea
as it rages against the coral of my heart
On land there is an anchor.
An anchor to the steady return of life, anchor to commitment, anchor to reality.
The ocean with it's mirages is a thief, a charlatan, a siren.
It's powerful grip holds on like a net around my heart.
Entrapping me, keep my desires captive.
I have nowhere to turn as she strips me down with ice and salt.
Relentlessly, foreshadowing promise of paradise
and then dashing the comfort to pieces with her cold grey arcs.
I'm broken, I'm beaten,
but I disconnect and throw everything I have
right back in that swirling silver mess.

It's a God thing...

Quick Reuben update. He arrived safely and took a day to get a few housekeeping things in order. He learned that the place that we were all supposed to stay when the kids and I come in June is at this point no longer an option. Due to lack of time and money, the remodel that was supposed to occur this spring did not happen. So we are not sure where we will go or what we can afford. Please be praying about this. The second day he was there he was offered work for the week which he was able to make about 2 weeks worth of income to add to our time frame. This is pretty miraculous considering he had no prospects for immediate work and our budget was only going to last 2 more weeks. So now we have 4 weeks of bills paid before we need money again. We are seriously praising God for that!!!!!!!!
So many little things have been happening that obviously God is at work. One instance, Reuben was searching for a part that 3 stores said they didn't even sell anymore and it was too hard to find etc etc. Well, he went to one last shop and the guy working said there was no way he had that part either but he would check. He came back from looking with the part in hand, shocked!
"$90" he said. Reuben said he would take it.
The guy said "do you really want to pay that much?"
Reuben said "ummmm not really."
"How much do you want to pay for it?" the guy asked.
"I was thinking like $50."
"Sold!"
Wow....such a small thing but only God would make a salesman haggle down when the customer agreed to pay full price.

There are still challengers and fears but we are trying to focus on the' God things.'

Currently Reuben is gearing up his boat to fish for cod, something he has gone back and forth about doing. This is a bigger risk then just getting a job on someone else's boat for a couple months, but everywhere Reuben looks and goes the path for jigging for cod is laid out before him. Again feels like a God thing.

Praise:
- God for immediate work and money to sustains us!
- God for boat being in good shape and the engine firing up right away!
- God for place for Reuben to stay and a warm shower at night when it's 15 degrees outside.
- God for friends that are looking out for him and actively helping him.

Pray:
- for faith in Reuben's heart that he is following God
- against Reuben feeling like it's all up to him
- that we are conscious of God story through all this and actively telling people about his goodness.
- for humility and love towards each other and God.
- for a place to come available for our family to stay when we go up in June.

Thanks for your thoughts and prayers!

D

Return to Alaska

As some of you know, Reuben is returning to Alaska in about 10 days, March 2nd. He is going to be looking for work on someone else's boat either fishing for cod or halibut. He is returning so early this year due to financial reasons. Essentially, God has provided immensely in the past 4 months since Reuben's been home. Allowing my Cutco business to exceed expectations in Nov and Dec as well as Reuben getting a job selling Christmas trees in the month of Dec. We are so grateful for these blessings and it looks like we will have enough money to pay all our bills and live until the beginning of April. So we are earnestly praying he will be able to find a job and work enough to send me money  within a month. It feels like it's going to be one of those things that happens 'by the skin of our teeth' but we are trusting that God has us in His hands and that it will all work out how it should. Watching money slowly dwindle out of our account is a bit nerve wracking but it's not as scary as thinking about how I'm going to manage this new life with an extra child to bathe and feed without Reuben's help. He has been so wonderful these last four months (especially the last 2) cooking, cleaning, taking care of the kids, letting me sleep in, bringing me tea, etc, etc, that the knowledge that I'm about to be expected to do it all myself feels like I'm about to be plunged into an ice bath. Still I have faith that God will either give me the strength and capacity to be able to handle it all or He is calling me to a new level of 'letting go of control.' Probably both but I suspect the latter.
We plan to join Reuben as a family in the beginning of June this year for a few reasons. Firstly, for the sake of our children not going so long without seeing their daddy. It's hard to describe how disconnected the young ones become towarda him and the way the unmet longing in Raeya's heart for her daddy effects her. Secondly, our marriage is strong and we weather separation fairly well but we can see the danger of how prolonged, frequent distance can erode what we have worked so hard to build together. It's foolish to assume we won't fall prey to apathy or simply 'coasting' in our marriage instead of actively fighting for and remaining soft hearted toward each other. Lastly, Reuben doesn't want to have a separate life that he will inevitably build over the years without his family. If we don't do this venture as a family from the beginning it will be too easy to use convienence as an excuse to stay apart. Neither of us want this in the long run, but I still have to remind myself these reasons because we still probably won't see much of Reuben while we are up there. He is likely to come to port only once a week and in the midst of the height of fishing season there will be so much to do to prepare for the next opener that we will likely only get our family lovin 'on the run.' Becaise I'm such a practical thinker it's hard to feel like the sacrifice, of my community and our home life routine, is worth it. But it is and even when it doesn't feel like it is...it still is because God uses every situation in our loves to grow us and draw us closer to Him.

Praise Him:
- for His financial provision
- for our truly heart soothing family time
- for the birth of our new little one, Zion Earth
- for the peace we both feel about Reuben's ability to get a job in the next month

Pray for:
- a good job with quality people for Reuben
- my work on the home front without a partners support
- our travels in June and our family's time in AK
- the fishing season to go well, our ability to live and start to pay off the debt we incurred

Thanks to everyone who prays for and supports us!

D

A taste of blessing...

Thank everyone so much for your thoughts of us and your prayers. For the first time, things seem to be 'smooth sailing.' The Lord Willing has gone out several times to fish and, all in all, has caught about 16,000 lbs of fish. Although little, we have made some money doing this! The crew is really excited and things seem to be going better with the relational dynamics...all encouraging news. We are still not sure how we will get through the next year financially, but I was reminded this week to thank God for how He is going to provide - because even though I'm not sure how He won't leave us high and dry. Just this simple gratitude helped me lift the burden, of figuring out His plan, off my shoulders and choosing to trust whatever comes.  
They left again today to go out and fish for another 10 or so days. This time they are going to the West side of the island where there is a run of reds....the more expensive kind of salmon. R is hoping to load his boat with reds and leave Alaska with something to show for all his toil and sacrifice. Yet he was just saying today that even the little they have caught is amazing considering everything that has happened in the last few months. Thank you Jesus for this huge blessing!
 
Now it wouldn't be fishing if there weren't some setbacks. :) R twisted his ankle pretty badly today and is worried about his ability to fish on it. The steering of the boat got off kilter last night after they dropped a load of fish off at the cannery, which sent R straight into a horrible mood last night, but it was a fairly easy fix today, which is good. The West side of the island is a rougher area for fishing so R is more worried about the safety of the crew and the soundness of the boat.

Praise Jesus:
- that there is more peace on the boat and in R's heart
- that we have been able to catch fish
- that there is more trust and shared risk amidst the crew
- that everyone is getting faster and more capable in their jobs during a set (casting and pulling in the net)
- that R has experienced real spiritual growth in this time.


Please pray:
- for healing of R's ankle, so he can fish well
- for safety of crew in the next 10 days
- for solidness of the boat, as there isn't much support on the West side and they will be about 16 hours away from Kodiak
- for fair weather
- for healthy interdependence in the crew's relational and work dynamic
- for fish!

Thanks guys for your prayers.

D

Is it really faith without hardship?

As the time keeps passing and the news is more often discouraging than not, it's hard to keep things in perspective with God's truth.
Quick update on what has been going on:
- Rob has not ended up being as freely generous as he had once professed, leaving R discouraged and sad.
- All the last minute details including Kenny coming on to the boat took much more time than expected.
- It has been difficult integrating beliefs and values of all parties residing on the boat, leaving R with some doubt about the present situation and the future.
- The boat did finally go out to fish last week Sunday but had to come home early due to problems with the net getting stuck in the propeller every time it got cast out. We did catch 800lbs of fish but had to hire a diver 3 different times to get the net unstuck, costing more money than the fish were worth.
-Boat went out again today for a very small opener (only 8 hours) and the hydraulic line, which hauls in the net and runs all the important machinery, broke and leaked hydraulic fluid every where.
-Looks like R will have to stay for another fishing season to make some money for us to live. Possibly looking like him coming home in November sometime.
- My financial calendar was expecting to have some money by now from R and things are getting really tight on the home front. I have no idea what we will do in 3 weeks if he still hasn't caught anything.

Sometimes God's plan is very different than what you expect. In this case very different from what we expected. However, I have never doubted that we would be able to make a living off of this boat until now.  Nothing like financial pressure to see if you are really solid on the ground you proclaim to stand. Even though there is no evidence of how it will happen, God will make a way. Jesus is the rock on which I stand and the Holy Spirit has full authority in my life. Things might get a lot worse before they get better and I will continue to choose these truths.

Praise:
- that God is working fiercely in our hearts and those around us to draw us all closer to Him.
- that we are sustained at this moment and have a huge net of support around us including our pastor who believes we are where we are supposed to be.

Pray:
- that we stay steadfast in God's truth about who He is and what He has promised.
- that the tension in various relationships will melt away and R will have greater peace and feel more support.
- that the boat will be fixed quickly and easily to be able to be fish again soon.
- that we will be able to generate some kind of income in order to live while he is gone.
- for my endurance amidst it all as my reserves are drained and my coping skills tapped.
- my children's hearts (esp. Raeya ) as she misses her daddy and can't really understand why he is staying longer.

This time is more difficult than we have experienced and I ask for your support in prayer and in non-emotionally draining ways.
Thanks.

D

Sea of Desperation....

The waves of emotion have finally made contact with the heart. All of the crazy experiences combine with some serious homesickness has left R void of hope and joy today. Proverbs says a crushed spirit dries up the bones. This is a good picture of R's condition. Two major things that God has longed to teach R during this season; 1) it's not about R and his story, but about God and his story.  Essentially R's whole life has been about self-reliance and self-dependence. Not really having much security growing up R thinks and has always thought that the buck stops with him. All of his glories are his own and so are all of his failures. Recognizing God's authority and sovereignty are difficult feats in R's world. 2) God is a God of abundant blessing. R believes this is true just not for himself. He doesn't feel it's right for him to ask God for abundance. He doesn't feel he is worthy of a huge blessing. He resists the idea that he, just for who he is, is extraordinarily special and loved.
Both of these truths are being severely attacked by an enemy who wants him dead...and if that can't be achieved physically then dead at heart.
These last couple of weeks have continued to be a struggle to actually get the boat ready to fish. Two steps forward, one step back. Progress, but slow and tedious. As the fish have started to come in, R is still making his boat actually ready to fish, which I think has been discouraging for him. Yesterday, after getting all the hydraulics finally plumbed he realized that is pump was putting out only 100lbs of pressure when it needs to be putting out about 2000lbs. This is the way they pull the huge net and fish on board, so its pretty important. He was able to get a cannery to agree to buy his fish yesterday and a phone number for someone to lease out a skiff. This was definitely good news but hard in the face of the boat STILL not being ready.

R really needs your prayer to believe the truth:
- that God does not leave His children high and dry
- that this story is God's story and thus so are the successes and failures
- that despite his brokenness its still ok to ask God for abundant blessing
- that hope and joy do not require an extra emotional reserve in order to seek
- that we will be ok financially and familially
- that God uses the ridiculous and foolish in His upside down kingdom to do great things for Him

Pray:
- that the hydraulic pump is an easy fix
- that Kenny comes to town ASAP
- that a skiff is found to lease
- that the net is easy to repair and make ready
- that just like all the other nets we've thrown out that God will fill this one to meet our needs too!

thank you community for all your prayers and support.

D

Phase 3.....

There is much to tell this update. The boat was successfully mended by a some wooden shipwrights out of Washington who came up to Cordova to help us. Final cost on this was about $5500 less then was projected so we were grateful for that.  It took about a week to fix everything and then another few days of extra repairs that R could do himself. During this time 2 things happened. First off, R didn't get a single call back on any of the jobs he put his feelers out for. Secondly, he had a conversation with Rob in Kodiak who previously offered to help R once he got to Kodiak to make any extra details happen and this phone call R explained how he ran into a sandbar and that fixing the damage was going to cost us nearly all our money. Rob told R that he would GIVE us a skiff and a sane (a small boat and a net valued at 20k-50k) to use for the summer and if we made money then we could pay him something after the season. This was like a miracle to hear so we started to consider the possibility of R still going to Kodiak to fish as we had planned. Rob also said that the season still hadn't really even begun to peak yet and so essentially R wasn't missing anything. After some consideration it seemed that going to Kodiak was the open door and staying in Cordova working on someone else's boat was not. So we proceeded to head that direction knowing full well that Kenny, the captain who agreed to fish with us probably wasn't going to leave his other job that late in the season. R had never been able to get in touch with Kenny this whole time because his phone was off. Seeing that we missed the date we had set with him (July 1st), we figured we were just going to have to find someone else with a fishing permit once we arrived. However, the day before R was going to leave for Kodiak, Kenny, called him back.  He told R that not only would he definitely fish the Lord Willing no matter when he got there, but that August was by far the best month of the season. He said that because R was willing to pay him in acual fish that he would leave his other job anytime to join R and his boat. WOW! We were really not expecting that. So everything fell into place for us to still fish our boat this year in Kodiak. With disaster still fresh in our minds and hearts, this felt like the biggest gift and relief we ever experienced. Ok, now R just had to actually get to Kodiak. He still had about 300 miles to go which should've taken him about 40 hours. In reality it took about 3 days because it was such bad weather that R had actually packed food and water next to his survival suit and life raft in case they had to make a hasty exit off a sinking boat. He said that being out in the middle of the ocean like that, in a storm no less, was absolutely terrifying! He said he was praying non-stop for about 8 hours until the weather calmed down. The last 12 hours of his journey he said the sea was as smooth as glass. During this time he almost ran into a 90ft whale that surfaced about 10 feet away from his boat. R said the whale acted almost irritated as if the boat was in HIS way. That was an experience. He also said they saw an ice berg just floating out there in the middle of the ocean. He made it to Kodaik last night at about 10L30 pm. Today he hit the ground running, making connections with people and setting the boat up to actually go out and fish. We are still a few days or maybe a week away from fishing but HE MADE IT! Thank you, Jesus! Thank you for reading and praying.

Praise:
- for arriving in Kodiak safe and in one piece
- for Kenny and his permit
- for the continued favor R seems to be getting despite tough situations
- R's willing heart and humble attitude
- for the man today who offered R another boat engine (the same one he currently has) for free

Pray:
- for repairs and final fishing necessities to be completed quickly and easily
- for the right connections to be made with the people who can help
- for our dollars to stretch to just the right amount to complete all these last details
- for a cannery to be willing to buy our fish
- for peace and gratitude to be the song of R's heart
- for a continued interconnectedness in our family

Thanks!

D