Brutal hope....

     It has been an intense week. In the blink of an eye everything can change. R made it safely to his first destination - Yakautat and was waylaid for a few days because of bad weather. From there he was only 3 days away from Kodiak. After about 2 days of going the weather became really rough again and sent him looking for a safe place to wait out the storm. Since he was really close to Cordova (the place where he fished last year) and he knew some people who might be able to help with some repairs and final touches we decided he should go for there. Unfortunately, it can be a little difficult to get to this cove (especially on low tide) because of a large sandbar. In attempt to get away from the storm quickly, R miscalculated the clear path and ended up stuck on the sandbar. As the tide ebbed away, he knew it was going to be really rough when the water came back in and that there was a real possibility his boat was going to tip over on it's side. When the stormy tide finally did start to come in, it did push the boat over, while the waves and sand took a toll on the underside of the boat; destroying the rudder and steering mechanism, bending and twisting inner parts of the boat that make it seaworthy, and breaking down many important wooden seams including the keel (the spine of the boat, which if broken makes the boat a total loss).
    Thankfully, a friend from Cordova came out with his much smaller boat and worked for an hour and a half in the storm to pull the Lord Willing off the sandbar - essentially saving the boat from sinking and, R says, possibly his very life. The boat was then towed to dry dock so the damage could be assessed. It is the best case of a worse case scenario. The boat ended up being salvageable (we weren't sure of this few a couple days), but it doesn't look like it will be able to fish this year. The repairs on the boat are going to cost around 25k, which is very nearly all the money we have. R is in the process of attempting to find a job on another boat in order to make some kind of money this summer, although it probably won't be enough to carry us for the year and/or pay the payments on the debt we incurred to attempt this venture. I say 'best case' because R is still alive, the boat has the ability to be repaired, and strangely I'm not that upset about what happened.
   Throughout these past 2 months I have never seen R act with such extreme caution, taking every question or choice to multiple wise counselors, and really earnestly seeking the wisdom of God when stuck on a project or problem. It has been incredible to watch God answer every need and lead R to a solution on every problem. I know without a shadow of a doubt that God could have easily prevented R from getting stuck. He could have made R insist on having an escort, He could have prompted R to call someone to check if going it alone was a good idea, He could have reminded R about the SD card in his backpack that had specific directions on how to navigate the sandbar, He simply could have guided his boat through the right channel on 'blind luck'. Instead, R was hardened against all those options and essentially made a huge mistake. As I have tossed this situation over and over in my mind the image that keeps coming back to me is that of Pharaoh and how his heart was hardened against making a good and logical choice. How through this hardening God was able to display his glory and no doubt change the hearts and minds of many people towards Him. It seems as if all the ways that God has come through for us in this venture so far are the testament that He would and could have easily come through again.....but for some reason didn't. So instead of being angry at this drastic turn of events I look to Jesus and say "What now, Lord?" and I intrinsically know that this is an opportunity to live a life of trust in the midst of disappointment and fear. The choice to say God I still praise you even though I didn't get my way and the future looks daunting. The ability to authentically express my sadness and anxiety while continuing to cling to the truth that God hasn't left me and has a plan that is better for HIS story....which is what we have always said that this venture was and is about.
    R has had his own journey of emotions and take-aways from this change of events that I cannot accurately write about. Hopefully, he will have a moment to share what is going on inside of his heart sometime. Generally, he and Caleb are definitely disappointed but are not broken by despair and continue to 'do' stuff on the boat to get ready for the repair team that is supposed to arrive by the end of this week.
    It will take about a week to repair the boat and reinforce it with a steel back end and reinforce the whole keel beam in steel. Making it doubly as strong and safe as it ever was before, raising the resale value quite a bit, and making it insurable through private insurance. These are all good things but are hard to swallow along with a $25,000 bill to fix it and even more disappointing the inability to fish this summer and therefore produce an income which pays for everything boat related. In the words of my brother-in-law, the situation is brutally hopeful.
    So on to chapter 2 of this venture....finding a job to fish on another boat and watching God provide everything we will need until the Lord Willing can have another shot at making some money.
Praise:
- that the boat is not lost and R and Caleb are alive.
- that R has had meaningful reconnection with his friends in Cordova
- that R has 2 leads on possible jobs so far
- that I have a real peace about this disaster and God has given me the strength to believe what is true about Him and His character

Pray:
- for peace and acceptance for R
- for a job for Caleb
- for the repair bid to decrease in price once the team has seen it.
- for an open heart to see the blessing in the ashes
- for everyone involved to be brought closer to Jesus as a result of this

Thank you everyone for your prayers.

D